Rule 73: The Don't Trust List

You know how there are times you meet someone and you are not sure what to make of them? Like the used car salesman with the slick hair...or the dentist who has no diplomas on his wall? Well, I want to make life easier so here is the first edition of my list of who you can trust.


1. Don't trust men with exquisitely groomed facial hair.

I think that this one is a no brainer. I mean, who would buy a used car from Rollie Fingers? Think about the rampant corruption of the Wild West. Now, think about the dominant facial hair style. That's right.

Think about people with mustaches. Now think about how many of those you would trust with your life. Yup.

A man with enough time to put that much care into a mustache has something to hide. It's science

2. Don't trust men who walk with canes

I got this one from Bruce Springsteen, but I think he had a point.

3. Don't trust people who root against their alma mater

This is another no-brainer. I mean how can you trust someone who spent four years at a college only to turn on them. You know who else spent for years on a cause only to turn and fight for the other team - yah, Benedict Arnold

4. Don't trust people who go to college and their high school friends shun them

This is simple math. There is nothing wrong with branching out but when there is a conscious effort to shun someone. You should take notice.

5. Don't trust guys named Whitey

6. Don't trust sports fans who only root for winning teams

You know a Lakers fan who doesn't know who Magic Johnson is? You know a Yankees fan that doesn't know there is a new Yankee Stadium? How about a Red Sox fan who doesn't know the Curse of the Bambino? Yah, you have to check their fan credentials

7. Don't trust a man who has never seen Rocky

Seriously, this film is on more that Maury Povich. Come on. Plus, there are six of them. If a guy can not explain why the bromance between Rocky and Apollo that blossomed in #3 was strictly platonic, he is subject to question. And if a man can't explain how Rocky's "If I Can Change" Speech ended the Cold War, he isn't worth your time.

8. Don't trust a man without a working knowledge of The Godfather

The corollary to this is that if they are unable to explain why they like the third film, they dont' really know anything about the series. Also, if you use phrases like "go to the mattresses" and they don't blink - you should probably be skeptical.

9. Don't trust a man who cheats at golf

The game is about honesty and rules. If a guy will willingly cheat at golf, there is no telling what else he might cheat at.

10. Don't trust someone with more than two of the following articles of clothing: Aviators, boat shoes, plaid shorts, Polo shorts (real Polo brand), a Croakies strap for sunglasses

Too susceptible to fashion trends. In another time they would rock bell bottoms or have a fade.

11. Don't trust a guy who says he loved The Notebook

It's too cliche. Don't buy it

12. Don't trust a girl who says she is a sports fan but doesn't like Field of Dreams

I borrow this from Bill Simmon's Field of Dreams rule: it says "If I were dating a girl and she said she didnt like Field of Dreams, I would dump her right then" Enough said.

13. Don't trust a guy with a working knowledge of Grey's Anatomy

The only way that he can redeem himself is if he thinks the show is about Katherine Heigl and that is all he knows.

14. Don't trust girls who play bass

Think about it. The bass player is always the wild card of a band. Now, imagine it is a girl. You have no idea what to expect.

15. Don't trust a guy who won't hug his mom

16. Don't trust a guy who takes a guitar on a camping trip

Could it be any more obvious? He isn't there for nature.


There are more rules to come. Feel free to run your ideas by me.