Overcoming the Madness of March

Today, it began. The national basketball championship is at stake - only to be decided by the big dance. Today, 64 teams were set to make a run at history. Give them two weeks and only four will stand.

Since the action has started, I know what you are thinking: "The tournament already started why is he telling us how to fill out our brackets?" Well, I will tell you what. I have been thinking about those of you who are disappointed and depressed because your bracket fell apart today. You are dreading going to work tomorrow so that you don't have to think about the $5 you lost by picking Sam Houston State to win it all....

So, I have decided to give you some of my favorite strategies for picking a winning bracket*:

1. Go with your Gut: This time-honored strategy relies on a series of snap judgments to pick the winner. Really, it is easy. Grab a pen (a pencil would let you erase) and jot down names as fast as you can. For example: "Butler v. University of Texas - El Paso" Quick, don't even think about it - Butler... Well, you would have just been right.

2. Copy Someone Famous: Now that the president has made it cool to fill out brackets, you have to get in on this action. Luckily for you, these things are highly publicized. If you are nervous, google Heidi Montag and ncaa tournament - voila! It is that easy. If you are at a loss for famous celebs to choose because nothing comes up for Danny DeVito or Helen Hunt, just turn on ESPN and let them work their magic.

3. Mascot Fight: We all know that the real reason we have college sports is to figure out a proximate way what mascot would beat another mascot in a cage match. For example, which one of you has not spent hours wondering who wins the fight between the Montana Grizzlies and the New Mexico Lobos? How about between the Syracuse Orange and the Vermont Catamounts? Yah, that's right. Well, that is a perfect way to choose your bracket. Picture the real life version of your mascot fighting it out with the other version. Warning: This can have some problems such as when the Stanford Cardinal whose mascot is a giant Redwood faces the Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks.....

4. Straight Chalk: Don't ask me why but the experts call it picking the chalk when you go by tournament seeding. This is actually a foolproof strategy for the lazy bracketologist - all the thinking is done for you. You are just filling in the blanks. Ironically, you probably beat me.....

5. Pick based on Coaches: One of my favorite strategies is to pick your teams based on who is at the helm. For professional sports aficionados, this is frowned upon since everyone knows no one listens to a coach who makes half of what you do. However, in college, the salaries are roughly equivalent (jk) so the players might possibly listen. So, when you look at a match up, Wikipedia the coach's record in the tournament and look for other clues like national championship rings. This can be a big help.

6. Senior Point Guards: When all is said and done, the most important thing that a team can have is senior leadership. In the days of one-and-done, senior leadership is extremely rare. That is what makes it so compelling when you find the guy who has done the time, whose career could possibly end with the final horn. That is the guy I want to be in charge of my team. (Sidenote: a really good junior who is the picture of dependability will do too)

7. Coin Toss: I actually tried this one year. You go match up to match up flipping a coin. I was better in the first round than my actual bracket with this method. Unfortunately, Montana State didn't have enough to go all the way that year....

8. Name Recognition: The old faithful. Simply choose the team you have heard of the most. The major problem with this is that Duke wins a completely disproportionate number of times.

Honorable mentions: letting children pick, picking based off of your wife's favorite colors, picking based off of number of guys with mohawks, picked based on the team with a guy who has a crazy name.


So for those of you embarrassed at the water cooler tomorrow, remember these strategies and be a winner.

* In the interest of full disclosure. I have never won a tournament pool. Truth is I never can follow the rule....